Frustration Rant

Now that the decoration details are almost done I’ve had time to move on to other things to worry about. Namely, the bachelor party. Shawn is okay with not having one, and he tells me it is a party more for his friends than for him, but I don’t believe that he’d be fine with sitting at home with me instead. I wonder what alternatives there are to the typical bachelor party?

I don’t want him to have a stripper involved bachelor party because I feel it is disrespectful to me, right before getting married, for him to look at other naked women – sorry, skanky other naked women, paid to be there and paid to touch him, that may or may not have STDs and touch something or drink something that he might later drink from, especially the night before our “holy” matrimony. What’s so sacred about doing naughty things with a woman who isn’t your wife the night before your wedding? I fully trust him, he is the only man other than my father that I trust, but I don’t trust his friends and I don’t trust the strippers that will do more things for more money. In my mind his friends would go so far as to rufie him to get him to sleep with a stripper. I’d be so much happier with him going to Hooters and then a casino. But his brother and his friends give me hell about that. (Which is my main problem.)

So, Shawn knows all that. I’m not one of those women who are afraid to tell their fiancee they don’t want them having a private stripper bachelor party, (because who knows what goes on there.) So many women are scared they might come across as motherly, demanding, bossy, clingy, controlling, etc. I’m not going to hide my true self from him. The reason I’m marrying him is because he knows everything about me and loves me anyway. For goodness sake, he knows I occassionally pick my nose and hide my boogers on my pants and he’s still in love with me. I want him to know exactly how I feel, and believe that if he really loves me he will say “You matter more than a men’s tradition that you personally despise, so I will find something else to do.” And he did say that to me, although not in those words, so I know he loves and respects me. But he didn’t say it because he loves me, at least not at first. His childish single-person ego butted in and he still wanted the party. The way I got him to give in was by telling him I’d have a bachelorette party of equal status – greasy ugly naked guys prancing around a clubhouse with some of my more promiscuous friends egging me on. (God knows a man’s party is still probably worse.) Of course I would never do anything, but I would have that kind of party just because I want to do whatever he does, for it to be equal, for him to feel the pain I’d be in. And that’s not right. That’s a bad thing to do. But there are limited options for me, since I’m so against the idea. So I also gave him hell about having a bachelor party until it was so stressful he had to give in. Which also is very, very bad, but I couldn’t control myself because I’m so worried about what will happen if he has one.

I don’t want to make him suffer by nagging and going on rampages. He swears he won’t have one and that he doesn’t want one, but with his friends, I feel it’s beyond his control. They’ll kidnap him in the middle of the night and drag him away and I’ll never know what hit me. I love my baby, I trust him, but I don’t think bachelor parties are respectful to the future wife, and I hate that his friends are willing to insult me so much by throwing one anyway. His friends are good for going to the bar with, talking nonsense with, but they are by no means high class people, and do NOT have morals. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re scum. His brother even tried to feel me up at the bar to make Shawn stop dating me. So I’m not exaggerating when I say scum.

At first I was going to settle and let him go to strip clubs as long as there was no touching involved, and I’d have something very similar, as long as we both sleep in the same bed that night and actually make it home relatively sober…but then, why should I settle? Why should I go against my personal beliefs and feelings? Why should I dumb myself down and have something similar?

I’m the type of person who is easily offended by their mate lusting after someone else & I dwell on things when I get hurt. Then when things don’t get resolved immediately I dwell even longer. And I do get jealous and insecure. If he has a bachelor party I will be sweating bullets and crying all night long, wondering what he’s doing, no matter what I’m doing. I could be having the time of my life in Vegas and my mind would be elsewhere. I would not have fun. I would turn into the parent who sits in the dark to surprise attack their child when the sneak into the house after curfew and immediately start a fight. I’m not grown up enough to deal with the man I love looking at other naked women and finding them attractive. I’m old fashioned and believe he should only have eyes for me. It will be a problem for our relationship. However, I don’t want to tell my fiancee what to do, I don’t want to control that night completely, I only want to remove the “stripper” part. So how can a situation like this be solved? Should I just deal with it?

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~ by cristinajanusz on March 3, 2010.

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